MasterOfPuppets

just relax. Never rush. The plane isn’t going to leave any faster with you standing in the jet bridge or swimming up stream to get to the flight deck. Set the plane up the same way everytime, verify everything even if you will be late. You moving at a methodical pace will slow down the person next to you who is stressed out because the last CA was always in a rush.

as someone said you get paid by the minute, you don’t like the way something looks stop and fix it. If you don’t think you can get by the DL jet parked in the pad in BOS then stop and wait tell they move. If the thunderstorm looks to close ask to wait somewhere before you depart……no one is judging your GOOD decision.

The biggest thing is that now that you are in the left seat don’t just assume the FO has no clue how to fly an airplane. If they are fast give them a minute to fix it….if they are behind give them a minute to catch up. If they are not fixing it offer a suggestion…..”flaps 15 is available”. Go arounds are free call em if you need them.

Always learn something. Iv been flying Boeing FMCs for 10 years and my FO taught me something I never new on my last trip.

most importantly RELAX and take care of your crew and passengers.

Hedley

Go around typically pay overs😁

AbjectFutility

Good thing they have a choice.

DownWithNarita

why?
This isn't the military, they aren't "your" crew. "your" responsibility ends when the parking brake is set.

No.


Every time I see a post from you I can't stop rolling my eyes. You're the definition of a Marvin mainliner and I bet you're the kind of a dude that stands at the podium before the plane gets there and then makes a pa in front of the pax on the airplane.

Knotcher

This is true for both seats. I always give the guy time to repair their own errors unless we're about to bust a speed/alt or danger is imminent.

You think your days of getting micromanaged are over when you upgrade...guess again . Except now you have a little more leverage to shut their piehole.

KSwift76

Remember that ALOT of the dispatchers are brand new too. Check the route in WSI before you accept the release. If they file you right through the WX and turbulence, you have to deal with it…not them. You are always within your right to come up with an alternate plan.

L8Z8

1. Hop around in your seat like an excited Jack Russel terrier, constantly urging expediency to other employees.

2. Get out there every flight and put on a show in the aisle for the people. You’re brave, smart, and basically Maverick from Top Gun. Remember, this is theater, not professional aviation.

3. Often remove fuel because your tugboat instincts just know it’s excessive and this will totally increase your profit sharing check.

4. Only start the second engine with enough time to enter the runway right at minimum stabilization time. The company is watching and your eventual merit badge award ceremony day will surely come to fruition. It doesn’t matter how busy that makes the FO, you’re the star of this show.

5. Talk to agents, ramp, van drivers, and hotel desks as if they’re lazy and beneath you.

6. Use the left seat as your personal lectern to regale the FO on new invented grievances from your favorite social media or news network. Starting off with something like, “We homeschool our kids because they let kids be cats in public school” commands respect and assures everyone you’re definitely not a gullible moron terrified of society.

7. If you were in the military make sure everyone knows. You need at least a lanyard, three bag tags, and perhaps a plane pin advertising this to ensure you’re noticed and thanked for your service.

8. If you were at SkyWest make sure you proudly announce you did “the Aspen flying” as this lets the FO know you’re the left hand of god and have magic blood.

9. Just be a normal functioning adult in the workplace, don’t do 1-8, and make safe decisions. Have fun!

John Carr

We’re getting there. The HPI needs to be revamped to look for the above, as well as the below personality profile(

You see, I am captain. Not A captain. Just Captain. I had my name changed before upgrade. Consequently I had to change my middle and last name too. My middle name is now "is" and my last name is f@!$nawsm. Call me Mr. Captain f!@&nawsm. Now, if I could fit 16 stripes of my epilates I would. One for every FO I had to take the controls from at 2000ft because they deviated from the ATC directed speed by equal to or greater than 2 knots. Hey, rules are rules. And in Captain f$&@!nawsm’s airplane, that chit don't fly. Literaly. And when I say "my airplane" I mean exactly that. I put an "inop" sticker over the banks name on the registration card with my name so there is no confusion who's aircraft it is. You can't argue with that piece of paper, and if you do, you are a terrorist and I will exersize my captain's autority as well as my FFDO authority and remove the "threat" to my position of power. And by "remove" I mean take over and fly single-pilot. In other words, nothing really changes. Now, I don't have a problem leaving my ego at the door when I get on my Airbua. Hell, I have no choice as my ego is too big to fit through the door. Litteraly, I have tried. I am forced to vallet it along with my massive balls in the cargo hold, and that is still a tight fit. Luckly for me, I can check on them periodically in flight throught the peep hole in the lav while I re-spike my hair and iron my blazer and hat. I digress. My point is, if I am foced back into the right seat, I am still the captain. I will NOT let go of the thrust levers on the roll, I will call for ALL the checklists, I will make 7 minute "welcome" anouncements and I will still say "clear left". The right side is not my problem. And I still get to taxi. It's a long reach from the right seat, but it can be done......at least on flight sim. So, send me back to the right seat if you will, but you can NOT send my ego back to the right seat! Ok, have to go. Somewhere, and FO is trying to make a desision on his own. Captain awayyyyyyyyyyyyyy..........hey mom, can I borrow the station wagon. and have you seen my hat?

Iregretnothing

The previous two posts were awesome.

Setopbug

Nothing better than good satire.

Wear your cowboy boots so we can all know who you are. The bigger the heels, the better.

Remember, CRM is not a democracy. Ask the FO what they think and about halfway through their comment, do what you were going to do anyway. After, all, you're the Captain.

Tankering? I don't care Mister, I said we're adding 2,000 pounds!

On the short legs, make your FO do PM and PF while you write two hundred word calligraphy on your business card that our first class customers are just going to toss in the trash because they're too addled on booze and sleeping pills to read a stop sign. Getting your name in the Flight Ops Update is your career goal.

Look up the reasonably good-looking global services lady in first. airdrop her pictures of your junk. Rename your device after your FO before taking that irrevocable step.

Make sure you've got a no-**** lumberjack axe in your trunk. You know, just in case.

Argue with the ground controller when you don't get your way. Those punks better know who's in charge.

Take of your shoes. Use your socks to clean the PFD's, ND's. (Not making that up, BTW. Way to go, Ernie, you freak)

Respond to all traffic point outs with "Tally" or "No Joy" Bonus points if you weren't in the military.

Don't go a single leg as PM without saying "Not how I'd do it."

When reaching the speed limit for the next flap setting, put your hand on the flap handle so the FO knows it's OK to call for the flaps.

Tell us all how you feel about transgender employees. You're so smart you should write a book.