Good ole mx humor
05-17-2007, 03:15 PM
#1
Gets Weekends Off
Thread Starter
Joined APC: Jan 2007
Position: CRJ
Posts: 2,356
Good ole mx humor
this has been floating around but havent seen it in a while, pretty funny.
UPS.......
After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form,
called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems
with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems; document
their repairs on the form,and then pilots review the gripe sheets
before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a
sense of humor.
Here are some actual maintenance complaints
submitted by UPS ' pilots
(marked with a P) and the solutions recorded
(marked with an S)
by maintenance engineers.
By the way, UPS is the only major airline that
has never, ever,
had an accident.
P: Left inside main tire almost needs
replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a
200 feet per minute
descent
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to
stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief
search.
P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right,
and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
And the best one for last..................
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel.
Sounds like a midget
pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.
UPS.......
After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form,
called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems
with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems; document
their repairs on the form,and then pilots review the gripe sheets
before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews lack a
sense of humor.
Here are some actual maintenance complaints
submitted by UPS ' pilots
(marked with a P) and the solutions recorded
(marked with an S)
by maintenance engineers.
By the way, UPS is the only major airline that
has never, ever,
had an accident.
P: Left inside main tire almost needs
replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a
200 feet per minute
descent
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to
stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief
search.
P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right,
and be serious.
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.
And the best one for last..................
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel.
Sounds like a midget
pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.
05-18-2007, 03:17 AM
#4
Gets Weekends Off
Thread Starter
Joined APC: Jan 2007
Position: CRJ
Posts: 2,356
05-18-2007, 05:53 AM
#5
Gets Weekends Off
Joined APC: Nov 2006
Posts: 259
You may be surprised what you may see in a set of aircraft forms. When I was in the Air force as a Tech on the C-5, I had a trainee sign off a persistent Could not Duplicate write-up, as follows: "Remove and Replace Yoke Actuator...Ops check good"!! I didn't see it until later, when a red faced Aircraft Commander came to me with the forms to have a "conversation". I thought it was funny, but he didn't see the humor.
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