Spooledup

A man was leaving a convenience store with his morning coffee when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery.

A long black hearse was followed by a second long black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one.

Behind the second hearse was a solitary man walking a dog on a leash.

Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men walking single file.

The man couldn't stand the curiosity. He respectfully approached the man walking the dog and said, 'I am so sorry for your loss, and this may be a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?'

'My wife's..

''What happened to her?'

The man replied, 'My dog attacked and killed her.'

He inquired further, 'But who is in the second hearse?'

The man answered, 'My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog turned on her.'

A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passed between the two men.

'Can I borrow the dog?'

The man replied, 'Get in line.'

Spooledup

FIRST TIME SEX
............
A girl asks her
boyfriend to come over Friday night to meet & have dinner with her
parents.

Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend
that after dinner, she would like to go out & make love for the first time.

The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a
trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. He tells the pharmacist it's his
first time & the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the
boy everything there is to know about condoms & sex. At the register, the
pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack,
10-pack, or family pack.

The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather
busy, it being his first time & all.

That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house & meets his
girlfriend at the door..
'Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!'

The boy goes inside & is taken to the dinner table where the girl's
parents are seated.
The boy quickly offers to say grace & bows his head. A minute
passes & the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down.

20 minutes pass & still no movement from the boy. Finally, after
20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over & whispers to the
boyfriend, 'I had no idea you were this religious.'

The boy turns & whispers back, 'I had no idea your father was a
pharmacist.'

John Doe

Thank you! I needed the laughs ! Great Jokes

LNL76

Q: What are the 4 types of orgasms a F/A can have?
A: GOOD: "Oh, yes! yes!" BAD: "Oh no! no!" HOLY: "Oh my god!" FAKE: "Oh, Captain!"

Timbo

You know why Flight Attendants do needlepoint when sitting on the jumpseat?

So they have something to think about while they are talking.

Airhoss

The best way to keep a secret from a F/A? Make a PA announcement.
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There was this pilot who hates taking check rides so has a mad scientist make a clone of him. The clone is perfect in every way, it looks like him, sounds like him and it flies like he does, the only flaw is that every other word out of his mouth is an obscenity. The pilot has a check ride the next day so he decides to send the clone in his place even with the clone's language problem.

The ride is going well and the clone is keeping up to ATP standards but every other word out of his mouth is a horrible, foul obscenity. After a while the check airmen can't stand it anymore so he opens a flight deck window and tosses the clone out and the clone falls to it's death.

When the check airmen lands he was arrested....He was charged with making an obscene clone fall.

bcpilot

If u feel overloaded with WORK, immediately go to the nearest
"Biological Anxiety Relief" (BAR) center and place order for any one or more of the following antidotes :

1-Work Isolating Neutralizing Extract (WINE)

2-Radioactive Un-work Medicine (RUM)

3-Bothersome Employer Elimination Rebooter (BEER)

4-Vaccino Officio Depression Killing Antigen (VODKA)

Issued in public interest by "Buddies for Eradication of Work Disease Association" (BEWDA aka DRUNK)

UnderOveur

A pilot walks into a pharmacy and says to the clerk, "Give me 3 packets of condoms, please."

So the cashier asks, "Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?"

And the pilot says, "Nah. She ain't that ugly."

LNL76

An airplane pilot dies at the controls. He goes to Hell. The devil takes him to the 'newly arrived' area. There are three doors, marked 1, 2, and 3. The devil tells the pilot that he is going to get to choose his own hell, but first, the devil has to take care of something first, and disappears.

The curious pilot looks behind door number one. He sees a pilot going through flight checks for all eternity. He looks behind door number two, and he sees a pilot that forever finds himself trying to resolve emergency situations. He looks behind the last door, and sees a Captain being waited on hand and foot by scantily-clad stewardesses.

The devil returns just as the pilot gets back to his waiting position. He offers the pilot a choice of door number one or two. The pilot says, "I wanted door number three!"
"Sorry," replies the devil, "that's 'flight attendant's hell'."

LNL76

What do Flight Attendants and Monica Lewinsky have in common?.....They all have a blue dress with stains on it.


AND


How do you make a flight attendant come with one finger?.....Press the flight attendant call button