Humorous Aircraft Anecdotes
01-20-2010, 01:12 PM
#1
Gets Weekends Off
Thread Starter
Joined APC: Dec 2009
Position: 127.0.0.1
Posts: 2,115
Humorous Aircraft Anecdotes
I've collected a few gems along the way - can you add to the list? These are not mine, but borrowed, sorry if they are re-runs.
On the T37 Tweet
Flying the Tweet is like masturbating, you feel good while you're doing it, but once you're done, you feel embarrassed.
On the F-105 Thunderchief
If they built a runway all the way around the equator, Republic would build an aircraft that would require full length.
On the F-104 Starfighter
If you have a flame out, look straight down, that's where you're landing.
On General Aviation Singles vs. Twins
What's the second engine for in a GA twin? To get to the accident site.
On night flying
Forced landing at night? Turn on landing light. If you like what you see, land, if not, turn off the light.
On the T37 Tweet
Flying the Tweet is like masturbating, you feel good while you're doing it, but once you're done, you feel embarrassed.
On the F-105 Thunderchief
If they built a runway all the way around the equator, Republic would build an aircraft that would require full length.
On the F-104 Starfighter
If you have a flame out, look straight down, that's where you're landing.
On General Aviation Singles vs. Twins
What's the second engine for in a GA twin? To get to the accident site.
On night flying
Forced landing at night? Turn on landing light. If you like what you see, land, if not, turn off the light.
01-21-2010, 05:52 AM
#6
Gets Weekends Off
Joined APC: Nov 2009
Position: still here...
Posts: 226
HAHAHAHAHA!!!!! O my God I think I cried a little
There were two blondes going to California for the summer, they are about two hours into the flight and the pilot gets on the intercom and says we just lost an engine but it is all right we have three more but it will take us an hour longer.
A half hour later he gets on the intercom again and says we just lost another engine but its all right we have two more it will take us another half hour though.
One of the blondes says, "If we lose the two last engines we will be up here all day" - came from a website. (don't remember which one)
01-27-2010, 06:23 PM
#7
Gets Weekends Off
Joined APC: Jan 2006
Position: 737 Left
Posts: 202
Takeoffs are optional, landings mandatory....
The only time you have too much fuel on-board the aircraft is when you're on fire....
A hole in the clouds is worth ten published approaches...
(apologies to Len Morgan)
The only time you have too much fuel on-board the aircraft is when you're on fire....
A hole in the clouds is worth ten published approaches...
(apologies to Len Morgan)
01-28-2010, 01:59 AM
#9
Line Holder
Joined APC: Feb 2006
Position: J3 to CL600; retired doing instrument taining
Posts: 78
More Aviation Quotes
Eagles may soar, but weasels never get sucked into jet air intakes
You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck
Flying is the perfect vocation for a man who wants to feel like a boy, but not for one who still is.
CAUTION: Aviation may be hazardous to your wealth
One of the beautiful things about a single piloted aircraft is the quality of the
social experience.
What separates flight attendants from the lowest form of life on earth? The cockpit door.
A thunderstorm is never as bad on the inside as it appears on the outside. It's worse.
Definition of a complex airplane: landing a taildragger on pavement with a 20 knot quartering crosswind.
Don’t Hoot with the owls late at night and expect to soar with the eagles in the morning
You start with a bag full of luck and an empty bag of experience. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck
Flying is the perfect vocation for a man who wants to feel like a boy, but not for one who still is.
CAUTION: Aviation may be hazardous to your wealth
One of the beautiful things about a single piloted aircraft is the quality of the
social experience.
What separates flight attendants from the lowest form of life on earth? The cockpit door.
A thunderstorm is never as bad on the inside as it appears on the outside. It's worse.
Definition of a complex airplane: landing a taildragger on pavement with a 20 knot quartering crosswind.
Don’t Hoot with the owls late at night and expect to soar with the eagles in the morning
01-30-2010, 11:05 AM
#10
Gets Weekends Off
Joined APC: Dec 2007
Position: Fero's
Posts: 472
PILOT'S TEN COMMANDMENTS
1. Thou shalt abstain from the intersection takeoff for,
verily, the runway behind thee, as the altitude above thee,
cometh not to thine aid when thou needest them.
2. Thou shalt not linger on active runways
lest thou become like unto ground sirloin.
3. Ignorest thou not thy checklists for many
are the switches, handles, gauges and other demons
awaiting to take cruel vengeance upon thee.
4. Thou shalt cast thine eyes to thy right and also to thy left
as thou passeth through the firmament
lest thy fellow pilots bring flowers to thy widow
and comfort her in other ways.
5. Buzzeth not, for this shall surely incur the wrath
of thy neighbors and the fury of the FAA
shall be called down upon thy head.
6. Thou shalt be ever mindful of thy fuel lest there be nothing
in thy tank to sustain thee upon the air and thy days be made short.
7. Trust not thine eyes to lead thee through the cloud
lest the Archangel Gabriel await thee therein.
8. Thou shalt not trespass into the thunderstorm
lest the tempest rend the wings from thy chariot
and cast thee naked into the firmament.
9. Put not thy trust in weather prophets,
for when the truth is not in, then they shall not
accompany thee among thy ancestors.
10. Often shalt thou confirm thine airspeed on final
lest the earth rise up and smite thee.
1. Thou shalt abstain from the intersection takeoff for,
verily, the runway behind thee, as the altitude above thee,
cometh not to thine aid when thou needest them.
2. Thou shalt not linger on active runways
lest thou become like unto ground sirloin.
3. Ignorest thou not thy checklists for many
are the switches, handles, gauges and other demons
awaiting to take cruel vengeance upon thee.
4. Thou shalt cast thine eyes to thy right and also to thy left
as thou passeth through the firmament
lest thy fellow pilots bring flowers to thy widow
and comfort her in other ways.
5. Buzzeth not, for this shall surely incur the wrath
of thy neighbors and the fury of the FAA
shall be called down upon thy head.
6. Thou shalt be ever mindful of thy fuel lest there be nothing
in thy tank to sustain thee upon the air and thy days be made short.
7. Trust not thine eyes to lead thee through the cloud
lest the Archangel Gabriel await thee therein.
8. Thou shalt not trespass into the thunderstorm
lest the tempest rend the wings from thy chariot
and cast thee naked into the firmament.
9. Put not thy trust in weather prophets,
for when the truth is not in, then they shall not
accompany thee among thy ancestors.
10. Often shalt thou confirm thine airspeed on final
lest the earth rise up and smite thee.
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