Destitute Parents
01-05-2010, 07:47 PM
#11
Line Holder
Joined APC: Jan 2008
Position: Palm heel on the throttle quadrant
Posts: 76
And Sky, if you let your in-laws move in, you may as well take that 150 up to 1,000 agl, roll it inverted, and pull.
If it makes you feel better, think of Bill Murray in Scrooged. "Scrape 'em off, Claire. If you want to save someone, save yourself."
If it makes you feel better, think of Bill Murray in Scrooged. "Scrape 'em off, Claire. If you want to save someone, save yourself."
01-05-2010, 08:23 PM
#12
Administrator
Joined APC: May 2006
Position: C-172
Posts: 8,024
I have a different perspective to share. My father passed away in 1999 after a brief illness. He went into the hospital and never came home again. My mother died of an accident in 2006. Like all parent-daughter relationships, there were good times and bad times. I'm sure I did some things that made my mom wish she gave me up for adoption at birth. And my parents have certainly done things that almost made me run away from home.
However, if I got a call that they are miraculously back and wanted to move in with me, I would clear my own bedroom out and welcome them with open arms. I would cook their favorite meals each night, clean for them, take them to doctor visits, go shopping with them, attend church with them, watch videotaped foreign soap operas at night with them.
However, if I got a call that they are miraculously back and wanted to move in with me, I would clear my own bedroom out and welcome them with open arms. I would cook their favorite meals each night, clean for them, take them to doctor visits, go shopping with them, attend church with them, watch videotaped foreign soap operas at night with them.
01-06-2010, 06:49 AM
#13
Gets Weekends Off
Joined APC: Mar 2008
Position: FAA 'Flight Check'
Posts: 13,839
I have a different perspective to share. My father passed away in 1999 after a brief illness. He went into the hospital and never came home again. My mother died of an accident in 2006. Like all parent-daughter relationships, there were good times and bad times. I'm sure I did some things that made my mom wish she gave me up for adoption at birth. And my parents have certainly done things that almost made me run away from home.
However, if I got a call that they are miraculously back and wanted to move in with me, I would clear my own bedroom out and welcome them with open arms. I would cook their favorite meals each night, clean for them, take them to doctor visits, go shopping with them, attend church with them, watch videotaped foreign soap operas at night with them.
However, if I got a call that they are miraculously back and wanted to move in with me, I would clear my own bedroom out and welcome them with open arms. I would cook their favorite meals each night, clean for them, take them to doctor visits, go shopping with them, attend church with them, watch videotaped foreign soap operas at night with them.
USMCFLYR
01-06-2010, 06:50 AM
#14
Self Employed.
Thread Starter
Joined APC: May 2005
Position: Corporate Pilot
Posts: 7,119
Situation
I have a different perspective to share. My father passed away in 1999 after a brief illness. He went into the hospital and never came home again. My mother died of an accident in 2006. Like all parent-daughter relationships, there were good times and bad times. I'm sure I did some things that made my mom wish she gave me up for adoption at birth. And my parents have certainly done things that almost made me run away from home.
However, if I got a call that they are miraculously back and wanted to move in with me, I would clear my own bedroom out and welcome them with open arms. I would cook their favorite meals each night, clean for them, take them to doctor visits, go shopping with them, attend church with them, watch videotaped foreign soap operas at night with them.
However, if I got a call that they are miraculously back and wanted to move in with me, I would clear my own bedroom out and welcome them with open arms. I would cook their favorite meals each night, clean for them, take them to doctor visits, go shopping with them, attend church with them, watch videotaped foreign soap operas at night with them.
Skyhigh
01-06-2010, 07:02 AM
#15
Self Employed.
Thread Starter
Joined APC: May 2005
Position: Corporate Pilot
Posts: 7,119
Mother
My wife and I value being at home with our children. We have made sacrifices so that my wife could stay home with the kids. She even home schools them.
A few years ago my mother had the nerve to suggest that she could move in and raise our kids for us so that my wife could go back to work full time. I can only suspect that her thinking was that we could then afford to support her and my father. I am still stunned over that one.
I guess the hardest part is that they are our parents. They have opportunities to save themselves but continue to make poor decisions. They know that the end is coming but they are determined to proceed undaunted. How do you scold a parent?
It would be much easier to provide some quality help so long as there are resources left to work with. It almost seems like they are having a blast blowing what is left of their nest egg with the expectation that we will save them.
I just do not know how to start the conversation about the future with them. They obviously have chosen denial as their path. I doubt that they will be open to the idea of changing their expectations. However if I do not then one day they are going to show up without even a dime to buy lunch with and I will be forced to turn them away as an "ungrateful son".
Skyhigh
A few years ago my mother had the nerve to suggest that she could move in and raise our kids for us so that my wife could go back to work full time. I can only suspect that her thinking was that we could then afford to support her and my father. I am still stunned over that one.
I guess the hardest part is that they are our parents. They have opportunities to save themselves but continue to make poor decisions. They know that the end is coming but they are determined to proceed undaunted. How do you scold a parent?
It would be much easier to provide some quality help so long as there are resources left to work with. It almost seems like they are having a blast blowing what is left of their nest egg with the expectation that we will save them.
I just do not know how to start the conversation about the future with them. They obviously have chosen denial as their path. I doubt that they will be open to the idea of changing their expectations. However if I do not then one day they are going to show up without even a dime to buy lunch with and I will be forced to turn them away as an "ungrateful son".
Skyhigh
01-06-2010, 07:07 AM
#16
Self Employed.
Thread Starter
Joined APC: May 2005
Position: Corporate Pilot
Posts: 7,119
College
I know you are not a big college enthusiast Sky, but you have GOT to save some money to get your offspring through at least a year or two of college or trade school even if only at a state level. I put myself through college without parental help beyond about 15% and even that amount made a big difference in motivation knowing they wanted me to do it. Your kids are more important than your parents or inlaws, although it is awful having to turn them away in their time of need. Let their situation serve as a lesson to your boys when they are old enough to appreciate that not being financially responsible leads to unnecessary hardship later on.
My responsibility to my children is paramount to maintaining the lifestyle of my parents and in laws.
As with you however I went through college with little help from my parents.
Skyhigh
01-06-2010, 10:27 AM
#17
Organizational Learning
Joined APC: Nov 2005
Position: Directly behind the combiner
Posts: 4,948
01-06-2010, 10:48 AM
#18
Gets Weekends Off
Joined APC: Jan 2008
Position: maddoggy dog
Posts: 1,026
A few years ago I had a family member go bankrupt....really bankrupt. Depression, near suicide, the works. I agree with Vagabond. I helped pay SOME bills and helped with a budget. Been ten years now. That family members good work ethic never left. Net worth is now triple mine again. I've been paid back with money, love, and the good feeling that I helped out someone in need.
Recently bought a house with enough room waaaaaayyyy on the other side of the house for aging family. Nobody needs it now but its there just in case.
Stuff happens....mother-in-law got in a car wreck and broke her neck. (she's fine now) Divorce, economy, ect...she lives paycheck to paycheck while she tries to rebuild her retirement. Paid a couple months of her mortgage and now my wife does ALL her bill payment online. We have access to her accounts and give her an allowance.
I guess the point is maybe we all have too many toys and have forgotten how to take care of our families.
Recently bought a house with enough room waaaaaayyyy on the other side of the house for aging family. Nobody needs it now but its there just in case.
Stuff happens....mother-in-law got in a car wreck and broke her neck. (she's fine now) Divorce, economy, ect...she lives paycheck to paycheck while she tries to rebuild her retirement. Paid a couple months of her mortgage and now my wife does ALL her bill payment online. We have access to her accounts and give her an allowance.
I guess the point is maybe we all have too many toys and have forgotten how to take care of our families.
01-06-2010, 12:18 PM
#19
Gets Weekends Off
Joined APC: Dec 2005
Posts: 1,412
Tough call. I'm sure that you may have thought of this, but let me throw it out just in case.
Maybe your mom felt that your wife wanted to go back to work. Maybe something was said that was misunderstood or maybe she falsely sensed it.
Have you and your wife communicated your feelings on the matter. I'd hate to see you hold this against your mother if it was a simple misunderstanding.
A few years ago my mother had the nerve to suggest that she could move in and raise our kids for us so that my wife could go back to work full time. I can only suspect that her thinking was that we could then afford to support her and my father. I am still stunned over that one.
Skyhigh
Maybe your mom felt that your wife wanted to go back to work. Maybe something was said that was misunderstood or maybe she falsely sensed it.
Have you and your wife communicated your feelings on the matter. I'd hate to see you hold this against your mother if it was a simple misunderstanding.
A few years ago my mother had the nerve to suggest that she could move in and raise our kids for us so that my wife could go back to work full time. I can only suspect that her thinking was that we could then afford to support her and my father. I am still stunned over that one.
Skyhigh
01-06-2010, 02:42 PM
#20
Line Holder
Joined APC: Jan 2008
Position: Palm heel on the throttle quadrant
Posts: 76
Vagabond:
I hope you realize my insensitivity was for humor's sake and to show some support for Sky. My dad died suddenly too. I happened to be there that weekend, and he went in Sunday night and died early morning on the following Memorial Day. Mom is left to struggle, but I have to balance my responsibility to my immediate family with taking care of her. She doesn't want to move in but would love me to buy her condo and let her pay what she can. But I bought her a car and fixed her plumbing, and I fly down and get her for visits up here so she doesn't have to drive.
USMCFLYR:
True statement on the American attitude toward the extended family. I have to admit, I view it quite differently depending on whether I'm thinking of my mom or hers.
Sky:
I feel your pain. We've got kids & I work hard so my wife can be home too and we've got some hard cases on her side and my mother's situation on mine. But we help with $$$ as we can and short stays with us, but by and large maintain our independence here with our children and wrestle with the feeling that we could do more.
I hope you realize my insensitivity was for humor's sake and to show some support for Sky. My dad died suddenly too. I happened to be there that weekend, and he went in Sunday night and died early morning on the following Memorial Day. Mom is left to struggle, but I have to balance my responsibility to my immediate family with taking care of her. She doesn't want to move in but would love me to buy her condo and let her pay what she can. But I bought her a car and fixed her plumbing, and I fly down and get her for visits up here so she doesn't have to drive.
USMCFLYR:
True statement on the American attitude toward the extended family. I have to admit, I view it quite differently depending on whether I'm thinking of my mom or hers.
Sky:
I feel your pain. We've got kids & I work hard so my wife can be home too and we've got some hard cases on her side and my mother's situation on mine. But we help with $$$ as we can and short stays with us, but by and large maintain our independence here with our children and wrestle with the feeling that we could do more.
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