Somewhat odd but...
06-01-2009, 05:10 PM
#1
New Hire
Thread Starter
Joined APC: Jun 2009
Posts: 2
Somewhat odd but...
I would appreciate insight into this.
The Cliff Notes: Three months ago I ended a long-term relationship with my fiance. He is a retired air force flight test pilot, currently employed in the same capacity with a major aerospace corporation (including joint defense projects). He is not dealing well with the break up. He has always had control issues (how pilot stereotypical), but now it has reached stalker level. Beyond constant text & email messages of his love for me and our being soulmates, he has left gifts on my doorstep at midnight, surreptitiously followed me, and been entering my home when I'm not there. But the final straw for me is discovering monitoring software, installed post-breakup, on my computer which feeds him, literally, all my computer activity.
At this point I feel I need to consider obtaining a restraining order. My question is what is this going to do to his career? I keep thinking of the security clearance reviews that are done periodically. Will a history of a restraining order damage him? Or will it not affect his career at all? I still want to believe he will come to his senses and don't want to destroy 30 years of building a highly respected career, but I also need to protect myself. He simply is not acting rationally anymore.
Any insight would be appreciated.
Thanks in advance.
His Ex
The Cliff Notes: Three months ago I ended a long-term relationship with my fiance. He is a retired air force flight test pilot, currently employed in the same capacity with a major aerospace corporation (including joint defense projects). He is not dealing well with the break up. He has always had control issues (how pilot stereotypical), but now it has reached stalker level. Beyond constant text & email messages of his love for me and our being soulmates, he has left gifts on my doorstep at midnight, surreptitiously followed me, and been entering my home when I'm not there. But the final straw for me is discovering monitoring software, installed post-breakup, on my computer which feeds him, literally, all my computer activity.
At this point I feel I need to consider obtaining a restraining order. My question is what is this going to do to his career? I keep thinking of the security clearance reviews that are done periodically. Will a history of a restraining order damage him? Or will it not affect his career at all? I still want to believe he will come to his senses and don't want to destroy 30 years of building a highly respected career, but I also need to protect myself. He simply is not acting rationally anymore.
Any insight would be appreciated.
Thanks in advance.
His Ex
06-01-2009, 05:19 PM
#2
Banned
Joined APC: Jan 2006
Position: A-320
Posts: 6,929
I mean, I feel for the guy, but you have to do what you have to do I guess. Try talking with him explaining the potential ramifications of a restraining order, however I don't think that will help. Would you rather ruin his career or ruin your life?
as far as what this will do to his "record" I dunno let vagabond chime in or someone else with some legal expertise
as far as what this will do to his "record" I dunno let vagabond chime in or someone else with some legal expertise
06-01-2009, 06:08 PM
#3
Working Class Dog
Joined APC: Jan 2007
Position: Spares Pusher
Posts: 1,668
Presuming that this is not a wind-up, if he is monitoring your computer, he already knows that you know.
Have your computer cleaned by a professional. There are in-home services that provide this.
Change the locks on your doors and have a security system installed.
Contact a lawyer, or if you really feel threatened, call the police, NOW !
Not necessarily in that order.
Worrying about someone's career when your safety is at stake is highly questionable judgment.
Have your computer cleaned by a professional. There are in-home services that provide this.
Change the locks on your doors and have a security system installed.
Contact a lawyer, or if you really feel threatened, call the police, NOW !
Not necessarily in that order.
Worrying about someone's career when your safety is at stake is highly questionable judgment.
06-01-2009, 08:42 PM
#4
Prime Minister/Moderator
Joined APC: Jan 2006
Position: Engines Turn Or People Swim
Posts: 40,044
To answer your specific question...
Information Security is a very, very hot topic in DoD right now. Casual misuse of IT equipment which you have legitimate access to can get your clearance pulled...installing spyware on an ex's computer (assuming it was not joint property at the time) will most likely get his clearance revoked. Not to mention breaking into your house (again assuming it was not joint property)...
Nobody here can really advise you on how to handle it...only you know the guy, your feelings for him, and how much of a threat he might be (if any).
Perhaps have your lawyer call him and explain exactly what is going to happen if he steps out of line again...maybe he will wake up.
Information Security is a very, very hot topic in DoD right now. Casual misuse of IT equipment which you have legitimate access to can get your clearance pulled...installing spyware on an ex's computer (assuming it was not joint property at the time) will most likely get his clearance revoked. Not to mention breaking into your house (again assuming it was not joint property)...
Nobody here can really advise you on how to handle it...only you know the guy, your feelings for him, and how much of a threat he might be (if any).
Perhaps have your lawyer call him and explain exactly what is going to happen if he steps out of line again...maybe he will wake up.
06-02-2009, 12:28 AM
#5
Permanent Reserve
Joined APC: Aug 2007
Posts: 1,682
Unless you are MY ex wife, my advice would be to file a police report immediately, and do so again after each new incident.
The police should tell you how to get a restraining/protection order.
It is very important to document each and every event.
If the police do not answer your questions to your satisfaction, talk to a supervisor. If still not satisfied, contact local victims services agency, the chief of law enforcement agency, the prosecutors office, whatever it takes.
You need to put yourself first. Do not underestimate what could happen. Not to alarm you, but please put your safety first.
The police should tell you how to get a restraining/protection order.
It is very important to document each and every event.
If the police do not answer your questions to your satisfaction, talk to a supervisor. If still not satisfied, contact local victims services agency, the chief of law enforcement agency, the prosecutors office, whatever it takes.
You need to put yourself first. Do not underestimate what could happen. Not to alarm you, but please put your safety first.
06-02-2009, 06:17 AM
#6
Gets Weekends Off
Joined APC: Feb 2006
Position: 767A (Ret)
Posts: 6,248
Beware of posers
I suppose every profession has an occasional weirdo, but my first thought on reading your post was that this guy is an impostor, and may have used other fake stories in the past.
06-02-2009, 07:59 AM
#8
A Second Past V1
Joined APC: Feb 2007
Position: Assumed
Posts: 743
What are you more concerned about:
Your safety or his career?
Get a security system installed and maybe buy a new computer for the time being. Perhaps a laptop. The kinds with a fingerprint scanner for logging in.
Your safety or his career?
Get a security system installed and maybe buy a new computer for the time being. Perhaps a laptop. The kinds with a fingerprint scanner for logging in.
06-02-2009, 08:00 AM
#9
Prime Minister/Moderator
Joined APC: Jan 2006
Position: Engines Turn Or People Swim
Posts: 40,044
If she was engaged to the guy, she probably knows what he does for a living. It is not uncommon for military TPS grads to work for aircraft mfgs.
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