Marriage
03-30-2007, 05:44 AM
#21
Self Employed.
Joined APC: May 2005
Position: Corporate Pilot
Posts: 7,119
Airline Wives
I have a few Alaska Airline pilot friends who live near me. My friends dream of having a spread like mine but are forced to live in housing developments. All their wives are uncomfortable with homes out in the country.
The reason is that their wives are left alone most of the time and are frightened and lonely. The thought of being isolated in a dark field far away from town is very unwelcome to them and I can't blame them. The pilot wants to have it all and often forget what spouses have to go through when they are gone.
SkyHigh
The reason is that their wives are left alone most of the time and are frightened and lonely. The thought of being isolated in a dark field far away from town is very unwelcome to them and I can't blame them. The pilot wants to have it all and often forget what spouses have to go through when they are gone.
SkyHigh
03-30-2007, 08:29 AM
#23
Prime Minister/Moderator
Joined APC: Jan 2006
Position: Engines Turn Or People Swim
Posts: 40,112
) or drive several hours to work...or both. But since you only have to make the round trip once a week it works out well for lots of folks. It helps the wife if there is family in the area.
03-30-2007, 09:17 AM
#24
Gets Weekends Off
Joined APC: Jan 2007
Position: BE-76
Posts: 353
Marriage is what you make of it.
Where a person comes from makes a lot of who they are. My husband grew up in the middle of the city, me however...I had 64 horses and hundreds of acres. He listens to rock, I listen to country. He wears tennis shoes, I wear boots. He has a northern accent, mine is as southern as they come. We come from completely different backgrounds.
Where is this leading me to, the comment about his wife not wanting to be alone. My husband is full time guard so leaving this area isn't much of an option right now. I hate living near a city. It's crampy, I don't like having neighbors, and I'm scared to go anywhere near the city by myself. However, I know he can't just up and leave right now. He wont be here forever, he has 5 years before he gets out. No, I'm not happy...at all...but we both know in 5 years we'll be able to up and move. That's just one of many sacrifices I've made to stay with him. We don't always get everything we want in life, so women get over yourselves.
However, men do realize that women like to feel secure. And for me, it's complete opposite of the example given previously. When he's gone on trips/deployments, I don't feel safe being in the city. Does it bother me? Yes, it does. But would I up and leave someone over it, no.
As for marrying a pilot, you really need to make sure s/he understands what they are getting into down the road. Make sure they realize the pay sucks at first, you'll be gone with schedules that vary per month. He knew before we got married that avgas makes up my blood, and is a deep passion of mine. But for the young guns, airplanes are not everything. Someone else hit it on the nail...airplanes will not love you back, your wife will. That doesn't mean you can't have both. It is very much possible to have both...in fact, aviation is what brought me and my husband together in the first place. I don't have a problem commuting, or driving within a reasonable distance to another airport. He knows my pay will be low at first, for many years possibly. He knew that before I ever said yes to marry him, and he's given me nothing but support ever since.
Now having said all of this, we don't enjoy going days, weeks, months without seeing each other. We do make valuable use of the time spent together though. With both of us being in the military, and the Guard being called up at an all time high...we realize that it is an uncomfortable possibility that on one trip, one of us may not come back. I HATE even putting that thought into someones head, but that's life. That topic can even be pushed on civilians as well. Car accidents, you never know when your time will be up. So friggin let things go. Make sacrifices for your spouse, and that goes both ways...men, you do a lot for us women...probably often more so than we deserve. But women, you can be the ultimate pain in the arse.
As for the guys who get the grand cargo opportunities and need to move half way across the earth to get there...think of your wife and the position she's in. When your single it's easy to up and move...to get your family to pack and move, it's hard...especially when your wife works.
I don't even know where I'm going with this. It just irritates me to see two people get married without understanding what is required of their career. I guess what I'm getting at is what I first said. You gotta make sacrifices within reason, and do what is best for your family. When you get married, you are bringing another person into your life...that doesn't mean your career isn't important, but you now have other priorities in your life.
So yeah, there's my jumbled two cents.
Where a person comes from makes a lot of who they are. My husband grew up in the middle of the city, me however...I had 64 horses and hundreds of acres. He listens to rock, I listen to country. He wears tennis shoes, I wear boots. He has a northern accent, mine is as southern as they come. We come from completely different backgrounds.
Where is this leading me to, the comment about his wife not wanting to be alone. My husband is full time guard so leaving this area isn't much of an option right now. I hate living near a city. It's crampy, I don't like having neighbors, and I'm scared to go anywhere near the city by myself. However, I know he can't just up and leave right now. He wont be here forever, he has 5 years before he gets out. No, I'm not happy...at all...but we both know in 5 years we'll be able to up and move. That's just one of many sacrifices I've made to stay with him. We don't always get everything we want in life, so women get over yourselves.
However, men do realize that women like to feel secure. And for me, it's complete opposite of the example given previously. When he's gone on trips/deployments, I don't feel safe being in the city. Does it bother me? Yes, it does. But would I up and leave someone over it, no.
As for marrying a pilot, you really need to make sure s/he understands what they are getting into down the road. Make sure they realize the pay sucks at first, you'll be gone with schedules that vary per month. He knew before we got married that avgas makes up my blood, and is a deep passion of mine. But for the young guns, airplanes are not everything. Someone else hit it on the nail...airplanes will not love you back, your wife will. That doesn't mean you can't have both. It is very much possible to have both...in fact, aviation is what brought me and my husband together in the first place. I don't have a problem commuting, or driving within a reasonable distance to another airport. He knows my pay will be low at first, for many years possibly. He knew that before I ever said yes to marry him, and he's given me nothing but support ever since.
Now having said all of this, we don't enjoy going days, weeks, months without seeing each other. We do make valuable use of the time spent together though. With both of us being in the military, and the Guard being called up at an all time high...we realize that it is an uncomfortable possibility that on one trip, one of us may not come back. I HATE even putting that thought into someones head, but that's life. That topic can even be pushed on civilians as well. Car accidents, you never know when your time will be up. So friggin let things go. Make sacrifices for your spouse, and that goes both ways...men, you do a lot for us women...probably often more so than we deserve. But women, you can be the ultimate pain in the arse.
As for the guys who get the grand cargo opportunities and need to move half way across the earth to get there...think of your wife and the position she's in. When your single it's easy to up and move...to get your family to pack and move, it's hard...especially when your wife works.
I don't even know where I'm going with this. It just irritates me to see two people get married without understanding what is required of their career. I guess what I'm getting at is what I first said. You gotta make sacrifices within reason, and do what is best for your family. When you get married, you are bringing another person into your life...that doesn't mean your career isn't important, but you now have other priorities in your life.
So yeah, there's my jumbled two cents.
03-31-2007, 06:44 AM
#25
Self Employed.
Joined APC: May 2005
Position: Corporate Pilot
Posts: 7,119
Airline Wives
Either in the city or country few people like to be alone all the time. A marriage is supposed to be a union and not an open ended separation. It is not natural to be gone most of the time and not to expect it to cause some kind of martial damage. On the other hand if the spouse is happy you are gone all the time then maybe you have bigger things to worry about.
My point was that people make a huge sacrifice when their spouses are pilots. The career can take a huge toll on anyone. Few outside of the industry can fully appreciate what they are getting into by marrying a pilot. Even though they are warned it is important to consider a spouses needs and understand that the marriage will dissolve it those needs are not at least addressed.
Increasingly it is becoming more difficult to recklessly pursue a pilot career with a family in tow. In time the situation will self correct.
Skyhigh
My point was that people make a huge sacrifice when their spouses are pilots. The career can take a huge toll on anyone. Few outside of the industry can fully appreciate what they are getting into by marrying a pilot. Even though they are warned it is important to consider a spouses needs and understand that the marriage will dissolve it those needs are not at least addressed.
Increasingly it is becoming more difficult to recklessly pursue a pilot career with a family in tow. In time the situation will self correct.
Skyhigh
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