Tech Maven

a friend of mine refuses to join his buds at UPS because, and I quote, "my wife doesn't want me to fly freight in the middle of the night."

I suggested he join reading www.nomarriage.com. His wife is a career killer.

kansas

Good point. However, there are far too many men out there that simply go along with whatever their wife/girlfriend says from day one, hiding all of their passions and dreams so they can be "supportive." When things get really serious, they have no choice but to continue down that path. Not knocking marriage specifically, because I think it's great...but I think the problem comes when one is not able to be true to themselves, and ignores everything for the cause of doing whatever the wife/girlfriend says.

ToiletDuck

You can't sit there and tell me "man I can't wait to fly for an airline" then passup the best opportunities to do so. Tell me you want to be a good husband, be there for your wife, or be a good father, but don't tell me you want to one day be a legacy or UPS/FedEX pilot then pass the best opportunities to do so. Here in Del Rio all we get are tons of pilots flying for Martine air and other companies that tell me how they "wanted" to go to the airlines but somehow never made it. Then they try and tell me how what i want to do is damn near impossible. Then I ask them a few questions and find out they passed up opportunities for a significant other. If you want to be a pro then go for it. Don't sit on your can because you'll get passed up by everyone else. I don't have time to sit there and listen to people feed me pipedreams when the most they are willing to do to have a good career and make a good living for their family is what their wife will let them.

Aviation: Don't understand it from the outside, can't explaine it from the inside.

vagabond

Speaking from the perspective of someone married for 20 years to the same man, I can only counsel that marriage is both a give and take, and about the other person. My husband and I have made sacrifices to help the other's career. Neither of us regret doing that and we would do it again if the need arose.

Strangely, we lived apart for most of those 20 years and that might be why we are still together. It's paradoxical, but it works for us.

This link is to an article in MSNBC tonight about marriage.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/17842555/

ToiletDuck

So what you're saying is they should rewrite the vows so that the woman FULLY understands what she's getting into when marrying a pilot?

vagabond

I was speaking in general terms. I personally would not marry a pilot except for my MD-80 guy, that is.

FlyerJosh

I think that for a successful aviation marriage to work, both parties need to fully understand the realities of the industry well before the actual wedding.

I think that one of the reasons that my wife and I do so well, is simply because we held off getting engaged until I knew that she fully was aware of what life was like living with a pilot. We dated for 3 years before being engaged... 2 3/4 of those were me flying full time as a regional FO. I figure if we can make it through training, sitting reserve, and then a furlough, we can make it through whatever else the future holds.

GauleyPilot

Absolutely. Before I got married, I made sure my wife knew the downfalls of being an on-demand pilot. She soon adjusted to the schedule or lack there of, even thought it occasionally causes frustration. She knows my job is a lot of who I am. She has always supported my carrer.

As far as "not letting my wife stand in the way", she doesn't. She stands beside me. I work to live, not live to work. Like you guys, I used to be married to aviation. One day you will realize that aviation does not reciprocate your feelings. She would have no problem kicking you out if you had a problem. A true wife would be there no matter what. That is why I would have to think hard about changing our whole life for a flying job.

GauleyPilot

OK, that makes sense if it works for the both of you. Many couples have to spend time apart to make it work in the long run. Good point Duck.


OK, the thing is, that when you are married, you can't just run the show on your own. This is especially true if both people have a career, or other attachments that they just can't move from.

People need to understand marriage before they get married. I think most people have no thoughts about the financial aspects of making it in the world, and are not prepared to deal with them. While not romantic, finances are a CRITICAL part of marriage. Sometimes in the end, you have to do what you don't want to so you can ultimately do what you want.

SkyHigh

We can have anything in life we want but not everything. Spouses will sacrifice a lot for each others but an imbalance will lead to a dissolution in most cases.

The purpose for marriage is to create a union of forces for common goals. Usually that means children, home and mutual support. A pilot can not offer much to a marriage these days, they are gone a lot, have unstable working conditions and do not have the financial means to add much to support the household. It often is an inequitable situation for the non-flying spouse.

The net results are that increasingly pilots are forced to choose a single life or will become single very soon. 20 years ago it was possible for a guy in his 20's to get hired by a major and reach a stable place in the seniority list by the time children come along. Back then pilots were home much more and earned a very good living.

It seems that now pilots can choose between a family life or a flying one. It isn't a spouses fault. It is a two way street. A pilot must be able to be an asset to a marriage.

SkyHigh