More Pilot Jokes
03-04-2007, 04:36 PM
#1
Gets Weekends Off
Thread Starter
Joined APC: Oct 2006
Posts: 778
More Pilot Jokes
I got this in an e-mail just the other day. Some I have seen, others I haven't. Here it is...
The difference between a duck and a co-pilot? The duck can fly.
A check ride ought to be like a skirt - short enough to be interesting, but long enough to cover everything.
Speed is life.
Altitude is life insurance.
It only takes two things to fly: airspeed and money.
The three most dangerous things in aviation
A Doctor or Dentist (or a controller) in a Bonanza;
Two captains in a DC-9;
A flight attendant with a chipped tooth.
Aircraft Identification:
If it's ugly, it's British.
If it's weird, it's French.
If it's ugly and weird, it's Russian.
Without ammunition, the USAF would be just another very expensive flying club. (Is it true R Dub?)
The three best things in life are a good landing, a good orgasm, and a good bowel movement. A night carrier landing is one of the few opportunities to experience all three at the same time.
The similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots? If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies. If ATC screws up, the pilot dies.
It's better to break ground and head into the wind than to break wind and head into the ground.
The difference between flight attendants and jet engines is that the engines usually quit whining when they get to the gate.
New FAA motto: "We're not happy, till you're not happy."
A copilot is a knot head until he spots opposite direction traffic at 12 o'clock, after which he's a goof-off for not seeing it sooner.
If something hasn't broken on your helicopter--it's about to.
"I give that landing a 9.....on the Richter scale." (believed to have been said by Robert Williams aka R Dub)
Basic Flying Rules:
1. Try to stay in the middle of the air.
2. Do not go near the edges of it.
3. The edges of the air can be recognized by the appearance of ground, buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space. It is much more difficult to fly in the edges.
Unknown landing signal officer to carrier pilot after his 6th unsuccessful landing attempt: "You've got to land here son. This is where the food is."
The difference between a duck and a co-pilot? The duck can fly.
A check ride ought to be like a skirt - short enough to be interesting, but long enough to cover everything.
Speed is life.
Altitude is life insurance.
It only takes two things to fly: airspeed and money.
The three most dangerous things in aviation
A Doctor or Dentist (or a controller) in a Bonanza;
Two captains in a DC-9;
A flight attendant with a chipped tooth.
Aircraft Identification:
If it's ugly, it's British.
If it's weird, it's French.
If it's ugly and weird, it's Russian.
Without ammunition, the USAF would be just another very expensive flying club. (Is it true R Dub?)
The three best things in life are a good landing, a good orgasm, and a good bowel movement. A night carrier landing is one of the few opportunities to experience all three at the same time.
The similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots? If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies. If ATC screws up, the pilot dies.
It's better to break ground and head into the wind than to break wind and head into the ground.
The difference between flight attendants and jet engines is that the engines usually quit whining when they get to the gate.
New FAA motto: "We're not happy, till you're not happy."
A copilot is a knot head until he spots opposite direction traffic at 12 o'clock, after which he's a goof-off for not seeing it sooner.
If something hasn't broken on your helicopter--it's about to.
"I give that landing a 9.....on the Richter scale." (believed to have been said by Robert Williams aka R Dub)
Basic Flying Rules:
1. Try to stay in the middle of the air.
2. Do not go near the edges of it.
3. The edges of the air can be recognized by the appearance of ground, buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space. It is much more difficult to fly in the edges.
Unknown landing signal officer to carrier pilot after his 6th unsuccessful landing attempt: "You've got to land here son. This is where the food is."
Thread
Thread Starter
Forum
Replies
Last Post
