Any "Latest & Greatest" about Delta?
02-14-2012, 04:25 PM
Can't abide NAI
Joined APC: Jun 2007
Position: Douglas Aerospace post production Flight Test & Work Around Engineering bulletin dissembler
Posts: 12,037
Wanted to provide this handy guide to MSP pilots who come to Atlanta for their 06:00 duty in.
3:45 AM: Shower. Brush your teeth. Finish getting dressed, grab food for your flight bag out of the freezer, feed the dog/cat/ferrets/whatever. Realize you have Navy Blue pants on, use the sand paper texture of the Flight Station issue britches to sort for correct pants without waking family up.
4:15 AM: Run out the door, slamming it behind you.
4:15:15 AM: Run back inside and frantically search for your keys. Find them in the freezer.
4:16 AM: Lock the door, slam it behind you as you leave.
4:17 AM: Crank the car and look at the house as it warms up. Realize you left the bathroom light on. Take the house key off the key chain and run back inside.
4:18 AM: Run from room to room, turning off all the lights you left on.
4:19 AM: As you pass your computer desk, put your computer to sleep, delete APC from cache and grab your cell-phone and keys off the keyboard, where you'd left them so you wouldn't leave without them.
4:20 AM: Lock the door behind you as you rush to the car, which is now finished defrosting the windshield.
4:22 AM: Gun it down the driveway and narrowly miss whatever random creature has decided now would be a good time to go sniff the mailbox.
4:45 AM: Get stuck behind some decrepit old geezer in a Buick Century going 10 under the speed limit on a two-lane road with double yellow lines for the next 3 miles.
4:51 AM: Passing lane! Edge towards the middle of the road to pass, only to have to swerve back to avoid being run over by some jerk in a lifted Chevy or Ford pickup truck covered in chrome and riding on massive offroad tires.
5:00 AM: Notice that there's a huge line of people behind you, also being held up by father time and his Buick. Get paranoid that they think YOU'RE the one holding them up. Become frantic to pass.
5:20 AM: Another pass lane! Edge towards the center and take a peek. The coast is clear! GUN IT!
5:23 AM: Explain to the nice police officer that you were merely just trying to pass father time in his Buick and didn't realize the passing lane was only 14 feet long. Also apologize for taking the Lord's name in vain...15 times. In 11 seconds. With the window down. With the cop standing right there.
5:30 AM: Thank the policeman profusely for only giving you a warning and creep ever so slowly off the shoulder and back onto the road, driving 1 mile under the speed limit while the policeman is behind you.
5:32 AM: Policeman turns off to the left and out of sight. GUN IT!
5:34 AM: DEER! Brakes! Swerve! Correct! Re-correct! Re-correct! Re-correct!
5:34:23 AM: Check pants. No signs of defecation. Resume gunning it.
5:40 AM: Make good time for a few miles until you reach a huge line of cars going 10 under the speed limit, with a Buick Century at the front.
5:45 AM: Finally reach your turn-off. Floor it up the on-ramp and onto the interstate.
5:50 (to 07:30, this is highly unpredictable) AM: Merge successfully, after much utilization of your turn signal, horn, and middle finger.
6:10 AM: Try and slow your breathing and count to ten slowly before you kill somebody. Yes, we know that turn signals exist. Yes, we know that the left lanes are supposed to be passing lanes. Yes, we know that a Smart Four-Two in the carpool lane makes no sense. No, you may not ram him into the medi ... reach down to answer call from Crew Schedu ...
6:10:01 AM: (deleted for non PG content, que cursing, smoke and tire squeel) ...
6:10:03 AM: Ok, I think he's still alive, man. I think the oncoming traffic sees hi-
6:10:03 AM: (ohmigodican'tbelievethis.... que non PG content again)
6:10:05 AM: JUST GUN IT, MAN!
6:10:08 AM: ...
6:12 AM: ...
6:13 AM: Who knew Smart cars could flip like that? ........
6:13:52 AM Hope nobody saw your Air Force Academy/Fly Navy/Delta license plate frame.
6:14 AM: See your exit coming up in 500ft. Realize you've been zoning out, daydreaming about flying, flaming, flipping Smart cars for the past 5 minutes and you're still doing 90mph in the carpool lane with your driver's side mirror dangling by a couple wires.
6:14:25 AM: Car horns blare as you blindly cross 4 lanes of traffic and cut through the grass to make your exit. Cue middle finger again.
6:14:26 AM: Red light. Realize your driver's side mirror is no longer dangling there.
6:14:35 AM: Pull into Camp Creek lot, catch a glimpse of the the once every thirty minute bus topping the hill.
6:14:38 AM: Realize that this is the South. Who the heck parallel parks in the South?
6:14:40 AM: Pull straight into nearest spot. Slam your car into park from 5 miles per hour, grab hat and run like your car's on fire.
6:15:45 AM: Look back and notice your lights were left on while calling Crew Skeds to duty you in. Realize your food is on your computer keyboard at home.
Enjoy your trip.
3:45 AM: Shower. Brush your teeth. Finish getting dressed, grab food for your flight bag out of the freezer, feed the dog/cat/ferrets/whatever. Realize you have Navy Blue pants on, use the sand paper texture of the Flight Station issue britches to sort for correct pants without waking family up.
4:15 AM: Run out the door, slamming it behind you.
4:15:15 AM: Run back inside and frantically search for your keys. Find them in the freezer.
4:16 AM: Lock the door, slam it behind you as you leave.
4:17 AM: Crank the car and look at the house as it warms up. Realize you left the bathroom light on. Take the house key off the key chain and run back inside.
4:18 AM: Run from room to room, turning off all the lights you left on.
4:19 AM: As you pass your computer desk, put your computer to sleep, delete APC from cache and grab your cell-phone and keys off the keyboard, where you'd left them so you wouldn't leave without them.
4:20 AM: Lock the door behind you as you rush to the car, which is now finished defrosting the windshield.
4:22 AM: Gun it down the driveway and narrowly miss whatever random creature has decided now would be a good time to go sniff the mailbox.
4:45 AM: Get stuck behind some decrepit old geezer in a Buick Century going 10 under the speed limit on a two-lane road with double yellow lines for the next 3 miles.
4:51 AM: Passing lane! Edge towards the middle of the road to pass, only to have to swerve back to avoid being run over by some jerk in a lifted Chevy or Ford pickup truck covered in chrome and riding on massive offroad tires.
5:00 AM: Notice that there's a huge line of people behind you, also being held up by father time and his Buick. Get paranoid that they think YOU'RE the one holding them up. Become frantic to pass.
5:20 AM: Another pass lane! Edge towards the center and take a peek. The coast is clear! GUN IT!
5:23 AM: Explain to the nice police officer that you were merely just trying to pass father time in his Buick and didn't realize the passing lane was only 14 feet long. Also apologize for taking the Lord's name in vain...15 times. In 11 seconds. With the window down. With the cop standing right there.
5:30 AM: Thank the policeman profusely for only giving you a warning and creep ever so slowly off the shoulder and back onto the road, driving 1 mile under the speed limit while the policeman is behind you.
5:32 AM: Policeman turns off to the left and out of sight. GUN IT!
5:34 AM: DEER! Brakes! Swerve! Correct! Re-correct! Re-correct! Re-correct!
5:34:23 AM: Check pants. No signs of defecation. Resume gunning it.
5:40 AM: Make good time for a few miles until you reach a huge line of cars going 10 under the speed limit, with a Buick Century at the front.
5:45 AM: Finally reach your turn-off. Floor it up the on-ramp and onto the interstate.
5:50 (to 07:30, this is highly unpredictable) AM: Merge successfully, after much utilization of your turn signal, horn, and middle finger.
6:10 AM: Try and slow your breathing and count to ten slowly before you kill somebody. Yes, we know that turn signals exist. Yes, we know that the left lanes are supposed to be passing lanes. Yes, we know that a Smart Four-Two in the carpool lane makes no sense. No, you may not ram him into the medi ... reach down to answer call from Crew Schedu ...
6:10:01 AM: (deleted for non PG content, que cursing, smoke and tire squeel) ...
6:10:03 AM: Ok, I think he's still alive, man. I think the oncoming traffic sees hi-
6:10:03 AM: (ohmigodican'tbelievethis.... que non PG content again)
6:10:05 AM: JUST GUN IT, MAN!
6:10:08 AM: ...
6:12 AM: ...
6:13 AM: Who knew Smart cars could flip like that? ........
6:13:52 AM Hope nobody saw your Air Force Academy/Fly Navy/Delta license plate frame.
6:14 AM: See your exit coming up in 500ft. Realize you've been zoning out, daydreaming about flying, flaming, flipping Smart cars for the past 5 minutes and you're still doing 90mph in the carpool lane with your driver's side mirror dangling by a couple wires.
6:14:25 AM: Car horns blare as you blindly cross 4 lanes of traffic and cut through the grass to make your exit. Cue middle finger again.
6:14:26 AM: Red light. Realize your driver's side mirror is no longer dangling there.
6:14:35 AM: Pull into Camp Creek lot, catch a glimpse of the the once every thirty minute bus topping the hill.
6:14:38 AM: Realize that this is the South. Who the heck parallel parks in the South?
6:14:40 AM: Pull straight into nearest spot. Slam your car into park from 5 miles per hour, grab hat and run like your car's on fire.
6:15:45 AM: Look back and notice your lights were left on while calling Crew Skeds to duty you in. Realize your food is on your computer keyboard at home.
Enjoy your trip.
Last edited by Bucking Bar; 02-14-2012 at 04:37 PM.
02-14-2012, 05:27 PM
Gets Weekends Off
Joined APC: Nov 2010
Position: Boardroom Chair
Posts: 126
LOL 
Where did everybody go? Off applying to Emirates?
Where did everybody go? Off applying to Emirates?
Last edited by Jabberwock; 02-14-2012 at 06:00 PM.
02-14-2012, 05:41 PM
Banned
Joined APC: Jan 2012
Position: DAL
Posts: 623
In a related story, truck driving school enrollment has skyrocketed in Memphis, Detroit, Atlanta, Minneapolis, etc.
I heard that DALPA is getting a "referral fee" from the Teamsters for every Delta pilot-turned-truck driver.
I heard that DALPA is getting a "referral fee" from the Teamsters for every Delta pilot-turned-truck driver.
02-14-2012, 05:49 PM
veut gagner à la loterie
Joined APC: Apr 2008
Position: Light Chop
Posts: 23,286
I bet Luv and Oscar could find the cat walking around in this photo before any of us could. You know they don't use normal eye charts in the day 2 medical review for SWA, they use this:
They also don't use a VD clinic either that can't find a pilots vein to draw blood so they stab the needle in and fish around til he passes out in pain and then claim he's unfit.
They also don't use a VD clinic either that can't find a pilots vein to draw blood so they stab the needle in and fish around til he passes out in pain and then claim he's unfit.
02-14-2012, 05:49 PM
Banned
Joined APC: Jan 2012
Position: DAL
Posts: 623
02-14-2012, 05:50 PM
veut gagner à la loterie
Joined APC: Apr 2008
Position: Light Chop
Posts: 23,286
02-14-2012, 05:56 PM
Banned
Joined APC: Jan 2012
Position: DAL
Posts: 623
...................
02-14-2012, 06:03 PM
Happy to be here
Joined APC: Jun 2006
Position: A-320A
Posts: 18,563
Are you? 
BTW, I loved this one.
They pay to move your stuff there, and back when you quit, even if they fire you.
For you guys with three kids and a wife, they pay for a 7,000 sq ft villa, utilities included.
No kidding.
BTW, I loved this one.
They pay to move your stuff there, and back when you quit, even if they fire you.
For you guys with three kids and a wife, they pay for a 7,000 sq ft villa, utilities included.
No kidding.
02-14-2012, 06:18 PM
Gets Weekends Off
Joined APC: Apr 2008
Position: LAX ERA
Posts: 3,457
02-14-2012, 06:34 PM
Gets Weekends Off
Joined APC: Nov 2008
Position: Knuckle-dragging line pilot
Posts: 943
Lots to like about Emirates, but I'd do a lot of research (esp. on pprune) to make sure you understand the negatives as well.
Beyond that, with all the metal they're supposed to be getting, they're surprisingly picky about new hires. I know plenty of RJ Captains who were very taken with the idea of going there, took their wives to the interview, seemingly fit the profile, and figured the drawbacks were far outweighed by the money, growth and a seemingly brighter future. Only a couple got hired.
I know a few guys who got hired at Cathay in better times and abso-freaking-loutely love it there. Great QoL, great money, great equipment, but they live on the other side of the world from everyone they've ever known here and they don't come back except to show off the grandkids for a week or two a year. But then, HKG is a lot easier to plant roots in than the sandbox.
Another guy went to Qatar, and his analogy was he showed up with two empty buckets. One for $$$ and one for BS. You leave when one gets filled. At least at that airline, the $$$ bucket rarely got filled first.
But if what Bar said is right, DAL won't let you go for a 3-year foreign tour anyway...
Beyond that, with all the metal they're supposed to be getting, they're surprisingly picky about new hires. I know plenty of RJ Captains who were very taken with the idea of going there, took their wives to the interview, seemingly fit the profile, and figured the drawbacks were far outweighed by the money, growth and a seemingly brighter future. Only a couple got hired.
I know a few guys who got hired at Cathay in better times and abso-freaking-loutely love it there. Great QoL, great money, great equipment, but they live on the other side of the world from everyone they've ever known here and they don't come back except to show off the grandkids for a week or two a year. But then, HKG is a lot easier to plant roots in than the sandbox.
Another guy went to Qatar, and his analogy was he showed up with two empty buckets. One for $$$ and one for BS. You leave when one gets filled. At least at that airline, the $$$ bucket rarely got filled first.
But if what Bar said is right, DAL won't let you go for a 3-year foreign tour anyway...
Thread
Thread Starter
Forum
Replies
Last Post
