UPS makes another purchase...
08-28-2008, 11:19 PM
#1
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Thread Starter
Joined APC: Mar 2006
Posts: 3,333
UPS makes another purchase...
UPS Buys United States Post Office
Atlanta, GA UPS Headquarters
In a sharp turn away from the recent news that FedEx is possibly going to take over German-based shipper DHL, United Parcel Service [UPS] today announced that it is buying long-time competitive shipper, USPS [United States Postal Service]. The new company will be called U-2P3S – something that will probably twist the tongues out of most shipping clerks' mouths, but it was vetted through 15 user forums and all thought it was too cool not to use. Plus, the various rap groups and hip-hop singers are itching to get their chops on the name as well. That means lots of royalties.]
When asked how UPS was going to be able to swallow such a huge load as the whole United States Postal Service, UPS spokesman Juriff Springstep said, "We have every reason to believe that this merger will be in the best interests of the whole country. We are assured by the House and Senate postal committees that there will be no hurdles put in our way to acquire the USPS."
Pressed for a more complete and informative answer Mr. Springstep said, "We see complete intercapabilities of our own First Class, Express and International Mail services with the USPS mail services. And they have all these trucks that just sit around and look so white, so we have the ways to get the mail out ontime, just like we do with our own brown delivery services. No worry. I'm just not sure what we will do with all those damn Sinatra stamps."
We next asked about employee downsizing that must be considered in such a merger. Mr. Springstep said airly, "Yes, there will be many people reutilized as a result of this marriage of cultures. Since we at UPS have operations around the world, and the USPS is simply on the one continent, it's safe to say that lots of local folks will be shipped around to spots hither unbeknownst to them. All reutilized persons will be shipped at company expense with lots of time to get settled in their new surroundings."
What about opportunities for those employees who will not be transferred? "Well", said Mr. Springstep, "our sponsorships with NASCAR and NHRA alone will make great spots for at least the drivers who will find themselves truckless. NASCAR alone plans to open so many more speedways and add so many more races, that drivers will almost be able to get work instantly. Of course," he continued, "our current drivers who already have very active racing careers with NASCAR will not be affected by this merger. Their racing positions will be maintained."
"Also our recent work with the Olympics will surely allow us to position many of our package handlers for the 2012 Games, where we have been assured by the IOC that Package Fling will be a new athletic sport. We are also at the very end of negotiations with the IOC about Semi-trailer Parking and Pallet Stacking as two more areas of sports events for the 2016 Games in Chicago. Now you know what happens to Olympics stars when they get back. Everyone wants to hire them!"
According to the company's history:
"In 1907 there was a great need in America for private messenger and delivery services. To help meet this need, an enterprising 19-year-old, James E. (“Jim”) Casey, borrowed $100 from a friend and established the American Messenger Company in Seattle, Washington. Jim's brother George and a handful of other teenagers were the company's messengers. They ran errands, delivered packages, and carried notes, baggage, and trays of food from restaurants. They made most deliveries on foot and used bicycles for longer trips." This was 6 years before the United States Parcel Post began.
"As you can see," said Spokesman Springstep, "that $100 investment has been paid back many times over. We deliver 16 million packages each day now. Four billion deliveries in 2007. Quite a bit of stuff, I'd say. We'll easily be able to manage some letter carriers and such."
The final question was about the Parcel Post company. What would be done about the fact that FedEx has a delivery contract through 2013 to deliver packages for the USPS? "Oh that. Well, we are sure that it will be possible to negotiate ourselves quite a deal there. We have lots of avenues that we can explore in this area. I can't be specific right now, as we haven't sent in the check for the USPS actually. Let me get back to you in 3 to 5 business days about the specifics. OK?"
By Bob Zaguy
Linky
Atlanta, GA UPS Headquarters
In a sharp turn away from the recent news that FedEx is possibly going to take over German-based shipper DHL, United Parcel Service [UPS] today announced that it is buying long-time competitive shipper, USPS [United States Postal Service]. The new company will be called U-2P3S – something that will probably twist the tongues out of most shipping clerks' mouths, but it was vetted through 15 user forums and all thought it was too cool not to use. Plus, the various rap groups and hip-hop singers are itching to get their chops on the name as well. That means lots of royalties.]
When asked how UPS was going to be able to swallow such a huge load as the whole United States Postal Service, UPS spokesman Juriff Springstep said, "We have every reason to believe that this merger will be in the best interests of the whole country. We are assured by the House and Senate postal committees that there will be no hurdles put in our way to acquire the USPS."
Pressed for a more complete and informative answer Mr. Springstep said, "We see complete intercapabilities of our own First Class, Express and International Mail services with the USPS mail services. And they have all these trucks that just sit around and look so white, so we have the ways to get the mail out ontime, just like we do with our own brown delivery services. No worry. I'm just not sure what we will do with all those damn Sinatra stamps."
We next asked about employee downsizing that must be considered in such a merger. Mr. Springstep said airly, "Yes, there will be many people reutilized as a result of this marriage of cultures. Since we at UPS have operations around the world, and the USPS is simply on the one continent, it's safe to say that lots of local folks will be shipped around to spots hither unbeknownst to them. All reutilized persons will be shipped at company expense with lots of time to get settled in their new surroundings."
What about opportunities for those employees who will not be transferred? "Well", said Mr. Springstep, "our sponsorships with NASCAR and NHRA alone will make great spots for at least the drivers who will find themselves truckless. NASCAR alone plans to open so many more speedways and add so many more races, that drivers will almost be able to get work instantly. Of course," he continued, "our current drivers who already have very active racing careers with NASCAR will not be affected by this merger. Their racing positions will be maintained."
"Also our recent work with the Olympics will surely allow us to position many of our package handlers for the 2012 Games, where we have been assured by the IOC that Package Fling will be a new athletic sport. We are also at the very end of negotiations with the IOC about Semi-trailer Parking and Pallet Stacking as two more areas of sports events for the 2016 Games in Chicago. Now you know what happens to Olympics stars when they get back. Everyone wants to hire them!"
According to the company's history:
"In 1907 there was a great need in America for private messenger and delivery services. To help meet this need, an enterprising 19-year-old, James E. (“Jim”) Casey, borrowed $100 from a friend and established the American Messenger Company in Seattle, Washington. Jim's brother George and a handful of other teenagers were the company's messengers. They ran errands, delivered packages, and carried notes, baggage, and trays of food from restaurants. They made most deliveries on foot and used bicycles for longer trips." This was 6 years before the United States Parcel Post began.
"As you can see," said Spokesman Springstep, "that $100 investment has been paid back many times over. We deliver 16 million packages each day now. Four billion deliveries in 2007. Quite a bit of stuff, I'd say. We'll easily be able to manage some letter carriers and such."
The final question was about the Parcel Post company. What would be done about the fact that FedEx has a delivery contract through 2013 to deliver packages for the USPS? "Oh that. Well, we are sure that it will be possible to negotiate ourselves quite a deal there. We have lots of avenues that we can explore in this area. I can't be specific right now, as we haven't sent in the check for the USPS actually. Let me get back to you in 3 to 5 business days about the specifics. OK?"
By Bob Zaguy
Linky
08-29-2008, 12:13 AM
#2
Gets Weekends Off
Joined APC: Feb 2006
Position: 777 Capt
Posts: 131
In a related development;
Hospitals nationwide report their Emergency Rooms have been swamped since the UPS announcement. They report a rash of tongue injuries.
Further investigation revealed most are UPS pilots, having stepped on their own tongues in their eagerness to kick USPS employees to the curb.
Doctors are still not in agreement on how to treat the ailment. Half the doctors say they are inclined to treat the patients’ clumsiness, while the other half prefer to address the obvious morally handicapped issues.
Hospitals nationwide report their Emergency Rooms have been swamped since the UPS announcement. They report a rash of tongue injuries.
Further investigation revealed most are UPS pilots, having stepped on their own tongues in their eagerness to kick USPS employees to the curb.
Doctors are still not in agreement on how to treat the ailment. Half the doctors say they are inclined to treat the patients’ clumsiness, while the other half prefer to address the obvious morally handicapped issues.
08-29-2008, 08:46 AM
#4
New ride...
Joined APC: Apr 2005
Posts: 534
In a related development;
Hospitals nationwide report their Emergency Rooms have been swamped since the UPS announcement. They report a rash of tongue injuries.
Further investigation revealed most are UPS pilots, having stepped on their own tongues in their eagerness to kick USPS employees to the curb.
Doctors are still not in agreement on how to treat the ailment. Half the doctors say they are inclined to treat the patients’ clumsiness, while the other half prefer to address the obvious morally handicapped issues.
Hospitals nationwide report their Emergency Rooms have been swamped since the UPS announcement. They report a rash of tongue injuries.
Further investigation revealed most are UPS pilots, having stepped on their own tongues in their eagerness to kick USPS employees to the curb.
Doctors are still not in agreement on how to treat the ailment. Half the doctors say they are inclined to treat the patients’ clumsiness, while the other half prefer to address the obvious morally handicapped issues.
08-29-2008, 09:51 AM
#5
Gets Weekends Off
Joined APC: Oct 2006
Position: MD11 CPT
Posts: 1,077
Dude, what's your beef? IF you posted in humor, I don't get it. But, if your "intent" of the post is serious, you are really killing any good will of the UPS pilots that were supporting you. Saying that "I'm stepping on my tongue, trying to kick you to the curb" after most of us have sympathized with you is just plain offensive. Keep it up - you are doing your fellow pilots a great disservice by continually bashing us!
I still wonder if these guys would be railing against Fed Ex had they gotten the deal, which up until the last minute was the gouge...guess we'll never know. The difference between me and many of them is I'd be all over the Deutsch Dirtbags and the profiteers at DHL, but that's just me. At the end of the day I seriously doubt that many of us line guys will see one iota of benefit from this, just the major stockholders at UPS.
08-29-2008, 11:17 AM
#7
New ride...
Joined APC: Apr 2005
Posts: 534
Well...IMO if anything he is bashing corporate UPS, not us as line pilots. It's kind of like guilt by association. "Good will" is like wearing ribbons for whatever cause...it makes one look like they care more about cause-dujour than the guy next to him without the ribbon even if the guy with the ribbon doesn't actually contribute to that cause. None of us here has ANY control over what the company does, and I think (think mind you) that he understands that. I for one think much of the posturing and tone of guys like Penguin is borne of frustration...wouldn't you be? I've been the ball rather than the bat in this industry through three Part 121 carriers so I get it.
I still wonder if these guys would be railing against Fed Ex had they gotten the deal, which up until the last minute was the gouge...guess we'll never know. The difference between me and many of them is I'd be all over the Deutsch Dirtbags and the profiteers at DHL, but that's just me. At the end of the day I seriously doubt that many of us line guys will see one iota of benefit from this, just the major stockholders at UPS.
I still wonder if these guys would be railing against Fed Ex had they gotten the deal, which up until the last minute was the gouge...guess we'll never know. The difference between me and many of them is I'd be all over the Deutsch Dirtbags and the profiteers at DHL, but that's just me. At the end of the day I seriously doubt that many of us line guys will see one iota of benefit from this, just the major stockholders at UPS.
That's my whole point. We have no control over this deal, and I agree that I doubt we will see much increase in flying. However, read the post again. It doesn't refer to corporate at all. It directly slams the pilots. If it was humor, I must be really dense because I don't get it. Frustration? Absolutely! That is why most have been supportive and sympathetic to them. I've been forced out the door 3 times in 5 years, so, yes I get it as well. But, this post rubbed me the wrong way. I can't change anything that UPS does, but all I can do is put my tongue back in my mouth "because it is dragging on the ground."
Do I take offense to that statement? You bet I do. I guess that I'm the only one that feels this way, but hey, it's not the first time. I'm not trying to start a fight here, but I just had to address this issue. I wish all the ABX/ASTAR pilots good luck. Even you, penguin.
P.S. : If this was truly humor, I apologize for creating a hornet's nest. It just struck a nerve, and maybe it's that time of month for me. <g>
Last edited by 1800 RVR; 08-29-2008 at 11:20 AM. Reason: Hit enter too quickly.
08-29-2008, 11:27 AM
#8
Gets Weekends Off
Joined APC: Oct 2006
Position: MD11 CPT
Posts: 1,077
Sideshow,
That's my whole point. We have no control over this deal, and I agree that I doubt we will see much increase in flying. However, read the post again. It doesn't refer to corporate at all. It directly slams the pilots. If it was humor, I must be really dense because I don't get it. Frustration? Absolutely! That is why most have been supportive and sympathetic to them. I've been forced out the door 3 times in 5 years, so, yes I get it as well. But, this post rubbed me the wrong way. I can't change anything that UPS does, but all I can do is put my tongue back in my mouth "because it is dragging on the ground." Do I take offense to that statement? You bet I do.
I guess that I'm the only one that feels this way, but hey, it's not the first time. I'm not trying to start a fight here, but I just had to address this issue. I wish all the ABX/ASTAR pilots good luck. Even you, penguin.
P.S. : If this was truly humor, I apologize for creating a hornet's nest. It just struck a nerve, and maybe it's that time of month for me. <g>
That's my whole point. We have no control over this deal, and I agree that I doubt we will see much increase in flying. However, read the post again. It doesn't refer to corporate at all. It directly slams the pilots. If it was humor, I must be really dense because I don't get it. Frustration? Absolutely! That is why most have been supportive and sympathetic to them. I've been forced out the door 3 times in 5 years, so, yes I get it as well. But, this post rubbed me the wrong way. I can't change anything that UPS does, but all I can do is put my tongue back in my mouth "because it is dragging on the ground."
Do I take offense to that statement? You bet I do. I guess that I'm the only one that feels this way, but hey, it's not the first time. I'm not trying to start a fight here, but I just had to address this issue. I wish all the ABX/ASTAR pilots good luck. Even you, penguin.
P.S. : If this was truly humor, I apologize for creating a hornet's nest. It just struck a nerve, and maybe it's that time of month for me. <g>
08-29-2008, 11:40 AM
#9
Tri-tanic operator
Joined APC: Jul 2006
Position: Doggie
Posts: 2,382
In a related development;
Hospitals nationwide report their Emergency Rooms have been swamped since the UPS announcement. They report a rash of tongue injuries.
Further investigation revealed most are UPS pilots, having stepped on their own tongues in their eagerness to kick USPS employees to the curb.
Hospitals nationwide report their Emergency Rooms have been swamped since the UPS announcement. They report a rash of tongue injuries.
Further investigation revealed most are UPS pilots, having stepped on their own tongues in their eagerness to kick USPS employees to the curb.
If the Penquin really meant "he is bashing corporate UPS, not us as line pilots, he certainly had a poor choice of words ...
Know what I mean ...
I wish them all the best, even the ones that think we are salivating over some yet to be finalized management deal. A deal that will amount to little if any direct benefit to IPA members ... IMHO.
I remember what it is like to see your company transfer flying to another carrier and furlough half of your seniority list. Then watch those other pilots move into your former crew bases, fly your former aircraft on your former routes at half your former pay ... it is easy but misguided to take your frustration and anger at management out on the new group of pilots, even if they were non-union.
And outside of the few hundred pilots directly affected by furloughs and downgrades, no one in the industry really cared ...
Sad but true.
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