This is the MD88. Watch it sit still waiting for a gate in slow motion.
It's pretty badass. Look. It runs all over the place. "Whoa! Watch out!" says that 767.
Eew, it's got a JT8D! Oh! It's chasing a gate that's occupied with an RON! Oh my gosh!
Oh, the MD88 is just crazy!
The MD88 has been referred to by the Guinness Book of World Records as the most fearless airliner in the airline kingdom. It really doesn't give a ****. If it's late, it's late.
Eew! What's that smell from the forward lav? Oh, it leaks in the rain? Oh it can taxi backwards?
Now watch this: look a D0 just went D+1... MD88 don't care. It just goes when it wants. Whenever it's ready it just -- Eew, look at the back of that tail…. Watch it fly! Look at that ####.
The MD88 is really pretty badass. It has no regard for any other airplane whatsoever. Look at him, he's just grunting, and #######. Eew!
What's that? A split elevator on taxi? Aileron’s just flapping in the wind? Oh that's nasty. They're so nasty. Oh look it's chasing things and scaring them!
The MD88s have a fairly long body, but a distinctly thickset broad pneumatically heated strakes unless it’s a 90 then they’re electric, and, you know, their controls are on cables to tabs, allowing them to move about freely, and they twist around.
Now look: Here's the end of the runway. Do you think the MD88 cares? It doesn't give a ****, it goes right to the end to get some pavement. Flaps 5 takeoff? Flaps 28 landing plus 15 knots? How disgusting is that? Now the brakes will squeal. Eew, that's so nasty.
But look! The MD88 doesn't care! It's at the gate getting dinged like a thousand times. It doesn't give a ****. It's just hungry. It doesn't care about being dinged. Nothing can stop the MD88 when it's hungry. What a crazy ####!
It's sitting in slow-motion again. Still waiting for the gate.
Now, what's interesting is that other airplanes just wait around until the MD88 is done flying, and then it swoops in to pick up the scraps. It says, "You do all the work for us, MD88, and we'll just take whatever you earned, how's that? What'daya say, stupid?"
Look at this 320: "Thanks for the Song Flying and the shuttle, stupid!"
Look at this EMB-175 talking to the 320: "Thanks for the shuttle flying, stupid!"
"Hey, come back here," says the MD88.
Airbuses don't care, and you know what? The Boeings do it too. Oh, look at these little RJs. They're like "Thanks stupid! Thanks for the flying! See you later." The MD88 does all the work and all these other planes just pick up the scraps.
At nightime the MD88 goes hunting for gates, because it's IROPs on a clear day in Atlanta and it’s on time but there is no room on ramp 2... so it's late.
Oh, look, now it’s 149 passengers instead of 142! Look at that ####, no more aft galley? Long line waiting to get on? Little does the MD88 sitting at the gate know, FYI: it's been stung! It's been bitten by the early ground power pull from the rampers who didn’t ask to pull power and air -- eew, that's disgusting -- all the poisonous venom is seeping through the MD88's electrical body, and it passes out.
Now the MD88 is going to pass out for a minute, and then it's going to get right back up and it’s ready to go, and on the way in ATTILA sends a message, slow to cross RMG 5 minutes later than the 300 cost index calculated, but that message is erased before anyone knew it was sent, because it's a tyrannical bastard. 500 cost index now!
Look at this! Like nothing happened! The MD88 gets right back in there and makes A-35 but no gate!
How disgusting. There goes the last DFW! There’s screaming in that cockpit. That DFW wasn’t due out until 15 minutes prior to the original arrival time.
And of course, what does the dejected MD88 sleep-in-the-lounge pilots have to eat for the night?
Chinese food in terminal B with that guy who is out to set the speed record for yanking your change out of the drawer, you cash wielding bastard. That guy is fast.
The MD88.